Connection
Whether you identify as an introvert, an extrovert, or an “antisocial ambivert” who thinks they unlocked their true self during a desanctifying psychedelic tourist trip in the jungle, the biological reality is annoying but simple: we all need a good chat.
In fact, the urge to vent about your colleague’s excessive use of staples is such an innate process that if we chose to repress those thoughts instead of communicating them, our health would decline dramatically.
Now, I’m not saying that refusing to be a narc would cause a worldwide staple shortage, all at the hands of f*%kng Susan refusing to stick to the “one staple per stack” rule. I’m saying that social interaction is evolutionary code wound into the fabric of our being. Our brains rely on emotional feedback from other humans to regulate our own stress.
Fitting In vs. Standing Out
Whether we care to admit it or not, our nervous system is constantly scanning for how we are perceived. This results in the specific stress of needing to meet imagined expectations.
No matter how nonconformist we believe ourselves to be, we often design our lives using identity and morals as a clever disguise for conformity. Why? Because in the ancestral environment, “being different” was risky. If you were too different, you were exiled or ostracized.
But here is the paradox: most people (ironically) hate the idea of not being unique. That is because “being different” (but not dangerous) offers inherent value to the tribe. In evolutionary terms, this is Prestige – increasing your reproductive success and spot in the hierarchy by being uniquely useful.
So we are stuck in a loop: terrified of being kicked out, but desperate to be noticed.
The Modern Mismatch
This brings us to the problem. While our digital reach is no longer restricted to Dunbar’s number (approx. 150), our biological hardware still is. We now have the god-like ability to communicate with millions, yet we retain the paleolithic capacity to truly know only a few.
This dissonance forces us to attach to “synthetic tribes” (religious, spiritual, or fringe identities) to fulfill our biological urge for rank and safety, often at the cost of our mental health. We become the dodgy hermit hiding on their island because the “global village” is irritating as f&$k.
The Fix
We are not completely slaves to our emotional drivers. If we can learn to measure our social needs (like a Sim), we can address them before they have detrimental effects.
By accepting our social requirements as a metabolic necessity rather than a burden or a weakness, we can gain control over our physiology and reduce our overall stress load.
Developing healthy relationships that mutually meet you and your peers’ needs is the first step. The links below attempt to cover everything from the physiological effects of healthy relationships, our part to play within our neo-tribes, and how to optimize our social interaction via participation in activities that transcend the self.
Click what you would like to address, and we can continue down this off-the-beaten-track pathway of health.
